A Modest Proposal to End Bullying

Disclaimer: This is entirely satirical.

Every day, millions of people wake up afraid of bullies. Bullying can happen anywhere, anytime. Bullies can be born out of boys and girls, men and women. Bullying is a big issue these days, and bullies’ actions are very unpredictable. No one knows who a bully’s next target might be and what their reasoning is. Today, bullying can be considered more extreme than it was even ten years ago, with the advent of the internet and resulting cyber-bullying. Many celebrities like Ellen Degeneres are speaking out for the cause, warning others about the dangers of bullying and the sometimes fatal consequences.

My modest proposal to end bullying forever is the anti-bully pill. Once FDA-approved, this pill will be the be-all end-all to bullying.  Pills are available for almost any ailment today. Headache? Pop an Advil. ADD? Pop an Adderall. Parents should actively seek the symptoms of bullying in their children to see if they could benefit from an anti-bullying pill. Symptoms may include aggression, confidence, loudness, rudeness, lack of responsibility, competitiveness or violence. Incorporating a pill into a child’s daily routine will make schools and sidewalks safer places. No one wants to be a victim of bullying and one one wants to be the one to blame. Let’s save the children and bring bullying to an end.


8 responses to “A Modest Proposal to End Bullying

  1. I think this is a great idea that you have come up with! There’s basically a pill for everything anymore, so why not have a pill for anti-bullying? Bullying is such an issue today and I can only see it getting worse in the future with the increased use of technology that seems to start at a younger age all the time. So, with a pill that parents can give to their children who are showing symptoms of bullying, the problem would be solved before someone seriously got hurt!

  2. haha this is a funny idea. I feel like some pills like ritialin could be used for this just because they’d make all the kids to zombied out to bully each other. Amphetamines just seem to be the drug they throw at everything for a quick fix (weight loss, nasal congestion, add, bullying). Anyway, let me know when this gets approved.

  3. I thought this was a really funny one and a good problem to try and solve. With the idea of an anti-bullying pill to stop bullies, can we also make like a cool pill so that the kids getting picked on can become just as cool as the bullies, if not cooler?

  4. Very clever business idea. Since many bullies take after their parents, it would be strategic to also target mean bosses, teachers, politicians, etc. who are known to have bully children!

    • Maybe the pill should be given to the mean teachers, bosses, and politicians. If this pill was implemented, it would be possible for no one to be mean again.

  5. This is great, Nicola. I’m sick and tired of these tough guy and tough girl bullies across the world. Sure, I witnessed some of these antics growing up, but I was (un)lucky enough to see it again when I was a camp counselor for a few summers during high school. It would kill me in the inside watching these kids take advantage of others, and I was the one that had to deal with it! Why couldn’t you have had this idea 5 years ago?! It would have made my life a lot easier, haha. But all joking aside, there’s gotta be some mad scientist out there somewhere who can develop some pill that will bring wedgies, swirlies and taunting to an end!

  6. This sounds great! You’re definitely right, there is a pill for everything now a days and bullying should be one of those things! This pill that would reduce bullying could even create good behavior in the long run. It could have kids growing up acting more inclusive and understand. This could in turn help us create peace across the world. Just think of the possibilities. I’m all in!

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